SARINA ANGEL CUOCO - Online Memorial Website

October 28, 2008; 7:30pm

My Beautiful Baby Girl,

This time last year................

After calling you, leaving you messages and texting you all day, I decided to go to your house to make sure you were alright.

That was truly the night my life ended. I died with you. I no longer have a life. I will forever mourn you. I will never stop grieving for you. I will always do everything in my power to keep your name and your memory alive. I want the world to know that you were here and YOU LIVED. I have a daughter named Sarina and she will always be the light of my life and the Wind Beneath my Wings.

i love you so much!

 

October 28, 2008; 11:00am

My Beautiful Baby Girl,

This time last year.....................

I texted you "I hope you're having a good day so far, I love you"

Little did I know that you were sitting in your car and left me five hours ago; for me never to see you again.

I miss you so much. I want to be with you so bad. I want to see your beautiful face and gorgeous smile, you will always be my sweet daughter.

I love you and miss you!!!

 

October 28, 2008; 5:45am

My Beautiful Baby Girl,

This time last year................

I called you to make certain you were alright, you sounded a bit incoherent and truly exhausted.

I knew that you were up all night at your Halloween Party and figured that was why you sounded like that.

You were upset about a few things and I told you to get a good sleep and we'd make it better in the morning.

Not only did I not realize at the time that this would be our last phone call together, but I later found out that while we were talking, you were already in the garage with the motor running.

I love you and miss you so much!!!!

 

 

October 28, 2008; 5:32am

My Beautiful Baby Girl,

This time last year..........................

I woke up to two blank texts from you. I texted you back to make certain you were okay. You sent me back a few incoherent texts (which Brian later decoded). The first one said; "I need my mommy in the morning", The second one said: "Come over first thing in the morning please, it would mean a lot, please".

If only I would have been able to comprehend them at the time, I would have known you needed me and I would have been there within minutes before you had a chance to leave me forever.

At the time, I didn't know that would be the last text I ever got from you -

I love you and I miss you !!

 

MY DARLING SARINA,,,,,IT IS THE MORNING OF  0CT.28TH,, 2008 ONE YEAR SINCE YOU LEFT US.....I SPOKE TO YOU THE DAY  BEFORE, WE WERE SUPOSSED TO GET TOGETHER BUT YOU WEREN'T UP TO IT,,,,,,WE SPOKE FOR AWHILE, AND I SAID IF YOU NEEDED ME FOR ANYTHING TO CALL,AND   THE VERY LAST THING I SAID TO YOU WAS " I LOVE YOU" ,,,,,,,,,THAT WILL NEVER  CHANGE,I WILL LOVE YOU FOR ETERNITY,,,,,,MY MIND STILL CAN'T COMPREHEND YOU'RE REALLY GONE,,,,,OFTEN I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO CALL, OR COME OVER,,,,,, THEN REALITY SETS IN, AND MY HEART BREAKS ONCE AGAIN,,,,,I SEE SOMETHING IN THE STORES AND THINK SARINA WOULD LOVE THAT,I NEED TO TELL HER ABOUT IT,,,,,,ISABELLA WILL NEVER  KNOW YOUR TOUCH, SHE MISSES YOU, WE TALK ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME TO HER,,,TO MAKE SURE SHE NEVER FORGETS  YOU......YOU WERE A FABULOUS MOTHER TO HER,SHE KNEW HOW MUCH YOU LOVED HER,,,,,,ISABELLA REMEMBERS ALL THE PLACES YOU BOTH WENT TOGETHER,,,,,,,AND POINTS THEM OUT WHILE  WE ARE DRIVING........YOU AND I  HAD ALOT OF FUN TOGETHER, YOUR LAUGH WAS CONTAGIOUS ,,,,,,,,,MEMORIES FILL MY HEAD ALL DAY LONG,YOU ARE A PART OF ME..........MY HEART MISSES YOU MORE EVERY DAY,,,,,,,MY LOVE FOR YOU IS ETERNAL,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I SEE YOU IN MY MINDS EYE ALL DAY LONG,,,,,,,,KNOW YOU ARE CHERISHED,MISSED, LOVED, ADORED,,NEVER FORGOTTEN,,,,,,,ALL MY LOVE,,,,,,,,YOUR BROKEN HEARTED NANA  XXX000

OCTOBER 27, 2008; 8:30pm -

My Beautiful Baby Girl,

This time last year.................

I called you to tell you that we were making a junk food run and asked what you wanted so we could drop it off to you.

You said you didn't want anything to eat because you already brushed your teeth and were getting ready for a Halloween Party that you were going to. You told me your fingernail broke and asked if I can pick you up some superglue and drop it off to you before you left for your party.

We stopped at the gas station, picked up the Super glue and I called you to let you know I had it and was on my way to you. You told me that you already got it handled and you were ready to leave for your party. At the time I didn't know that would be the last errand I would ever run for you -

I love you and I miss you!!!

 

MY DARLING SARINA...........LIFE IS NOT THE SAME WITHOUT YOU TO SHARE IT WITH,MY TEARS  WILL NEVER CEASE,,,,,,,,,,MY HEART IS FOREVER BROKEN............YOU BROUGHT SO MUCH JOY INTO MY LIFE, YOU NEVER FORGOT ME,,,,,I'M SO LONELY WITHOUT YOU,,I CAN STILL FEEL MY ARMS AROUND YOU, HUGGING YOU,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR BEAUTIFUL VOICE WHEN I ANSWERED MY PHONE,,,SEEING YOUR BEAUTIFUL SMILE WHEN I OPENED MY DOOR TO YOU........COOKING FOR YOU WAS ALWAYS A PLEASURE,YOU LOVED ALL THE SPECIAL THINGS I MADE FOR YOU......... MY LIFE HAS CHANGED DRASTICALLY,,,,,,I ALWAYS TOLD YOU HOW SPECIAL YOU WERE, HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU WERE INSIDE AND OUT,,,,,MY MEMORIES ARE ALL I HAVE  NOW,,,,,YOU MADE ME FEEL SPECIAL,,,,I WILL LOVE YOU, ADORE YOU, FOREVER,UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN ........I WILL ALWAYS BE "YOUR BROKENHEARTED NANA"  XXX000

My Beautiful Baby Girl,

Today is 344 days since you left. I miss you so much. The pain is so great that some days I think I am going crazy and don't know how I will get through the rest of the day without you.

We moved to Las Vegas to be with Tiffany and Shane and get away from all the awful memories of Albuquerque and get away from everything it represents.

I miss Isabella terribly, but try and go back every other weekend; which is the anount of time Gregg has cut our visits to anyway.

It's so much more difficult, we all know that she belongs with us and that is also where you intended for her to be.

I am planning on opening your Healing Center on October 28, 2008. This, along iwth everything else I do, is a Tribute to you and dedicated to you.

You will forever be the Light of my Lfe, the strength in everything I do and the "Wind Beneath My Wings".

 

 

 

My Beautiful Baby Girl,

I miss you, I love you, I will forever mourn and grieve. I will never be the same, I will never have any joy in my life without you.

Even with all of my rituals I do every day with your ashes and your many shrines, it still doesn't seem to be enough. So, I've started placing a pink longstem rose at your house every day. The house has sold and I don't want to go on the property and near the garage, so I gently place it by the curb, with a kiss and all my love.

Yesterday I noticed that a dark pink rosebush is growing outside near the "left" side of the garage and a light pink rose bush is growing outside the front door. I like to think you had something to do with that.

I wish I still lived in the same house we lived in together 20 days before you left me forever. I wonder if then you would be able to visit me. Maybe now you don't know where I am. I desperately need to feel you or get a sign.

The pain I am living is so excruciating. I don't want to live with this pain, I don't want to live without you.

I dreamt about you the other day during a nap. It was so real. You were wearing a peach tank top and shorts (sounds just like you, doesn't it??) I was rubbing your feet and legs, just like we always used to do when we were sitting down talking. I was crying and begging you to keep yourself healthy and not leave me, you couldn't understand why I was getting hysterical and saying this. I told you that you left me and now you're back and I need to do everything I can to keep you here...................Then I woke up to realize that you left me, but never came back.

I will do everything in my power to keep you and your memory alive. I need to make certain that everyone knows and remembers that YOU LIVED!! You were here in this awful terrible world and you made a huge impact on many people. Especialy me, since the second you were conceived. I loved you the second you started growing inside me and you will have my eternal love.

You will always and forever be my Precious Daughter, My Beautiful Baby Girl and the Wind Beneath My Wings. I go on only with the strength that you give me every day. I love you !!!

SIIS I MISS YOU EVERYDAY I REALLY DO. TONIGHT IS A HARD NIGHT FOR ME I TALKED TO JOHNNY AND SOME STUFF WENT DOWN AND JUST NOT GOOD. BUT I MISS YOU SO MUCH I THINK SOMETIMES YOUR NOT GONE BECAUSE IM NOT IN nEW MEXICO BUTYOU ARE. IT IS SO HARD FOR ME TO GO BACK HOME CUZ EVERYDAY I AM THERE I WAS WITH YOU LIKE EVERY SECOND AND WHEN I WAS THERE LAST TIME IT DID NOT FEEL RIGHT . SO WHEN IM NOT THERE I FEEL LIKE YOUR STILL HERE . I MISS YOU SO MUCH AND I KNOW EVERYONE ELSE DOES TOO. ITS HARD FOR ME TO TALK TO ISABELLA AND SEE HER BUT I WILL DO WHAT EVER I CAN DO TO HELP YOUR DAUGHTER WHEN I GET A REAL JOB AND EDUCATION I PROMISE YOU. I LOVE YOU GOOD NIGHT

My Beautiful Baby Girl,

Today is seven months; another tortured day, another 24 hours of putting up with everything and everyone when all I want to do is be with you.

It's after midnight, so it's "officially" the 29th, but the night owl I am (that's where you got it from), I've barely started my day, so I'm writing now for your seventh month anniversary.

Last night and every night of the 27th, I stay up and talk to you until 6:00am on the 28th; which is when I estimated that you passed. I always want to be awake and have you know that I'm thinking of you and wishing I was able to stay awake on the night you left me. There are many things I've incorporated into my life in dedication to you, in memory of you and just in order for me to get through an entire day without you.

I still can't believe you're gone, you knew you were my best friend and I couldn't live without you. I still wake up every morning bewildered how I got through the previous day without you.

I have Isabella today and she has been holding my keys all day and talking to your Driver's License which I have hanging on my key ring.  Then she slowly breaks into song, just like you used to do. During dinner she wore your Hoodie that I carry around with your ashes and she was so comfy and cozy knowing that she was wearing mommy's hoodie. She misses you terribly. We talk about you with her constantly, I will never let her forget you. When she is with me, she is inundated with stories and pictures of you.

You will forever be her Mommy and you will forever by My Beautiful Baby Girl -

I love you !!

 

My Beautiful Baby Girl, 

I miss you so much!! Everything seems to be about you. I watched Father of the Bride last night and it upset me so much. I know you wanted to be a Bride and get married so bad. It tears me apart that you died s single woman and never got married. It makes me so sad that I never got a chance to plan a wedding with you and walk you down the aisle. You were and always will be my light and shining angel. You were my best friend. Camille and Tiffany were so far away and when I needed to talk to someone, you were always there for me. You and I always had each other to lean on, talk to, share secrets with and be the other's shoulder to cry on. That was our pact, to take care of each other forever. I am so sorry I failed you and I wasn't there to take care of you that night. I should have known, I should have known you needed me. I will live my life forever guilty that I wasn't there for you. I will never and can never forgive myself for not being there when you needed me the most.

I will never stop grieving, I will never stop mourning, I will never stop crying for you, you are my baby, you are my daughter forever and ever.

I will never be complete without you, my life has changed forever and will never be the same. I have no joy, I have no pleasure; all I have is pain and agony.

Everything I see reminds me of you, everything I do reminds me of you. Every day I do everything I can to suffer through another nightmare day, just so I can go to sleep and start all over again. But I can't sleep, when I close my eyes I think about you, I think about that night, I think about the texts and the phone call; Why didn't I know??? Why didn't I hear it in your voice?? I now know you texted me after you were already in the garage. I not know that you were already falling into your forever sleep when we spoke on the phone. I just thought you were exhausted from being at a Halloween party all night and not sleeping.

I'm sorry my baby, I'm so sorry. Now I've lost you forever and can never get you back. I will never see those beautiful sparkling eyes again or that gorgeous and perfect smile again.

Today is 209 days, I've had no signs from you, I don't feel you anywhere near me. Please come to me and let me know you are well. Please send me a sign and let me feel you around me.

I love you My Beautiful Baby Girl, I love you so much!!!

Sarina,

  Hi beautiful! I miss you so very much! I remember when we went to Fox and Hound about a two years ago! I had not seen you for a long time. You came up to me with your long beautiful blonde hair, a beauty mark on your face, pretty much  a whole new look! You were absoultly beautiful! We had a great time that night! Camille, me and you talked about everything! You always lit up a room with your smile!!!!

Sarina, you are truly missed by many!  Send your Mom, Nana, and your baby girl down some angel kisses!  Love you!!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo 

My Beautiful Baby Girl,

I wanted to write you on the fifth and sixth month of your death, but it hurt too much to even go on your website. I also wanted to write you on My First Mother's Day without you, Your First Mother's Day without Isabella and our First Mother's Day without each other, but it's so hard.

Today is 200 days without you. The pain is so intense that I can barely go on. I truly don't know how I am waking up each morning without you.

I miss you so much! I want to feel your touch, hear your beautiful voice and see your smiling face. I miss everything about you.

I talk to you every day while I'm awake and every night in my dreams.

Since I've written you last, I've scattered a few of your ashes in a few different states.

I drove to the top of the Sandia Crest and sprinkled some ashes.

Then I drove to Santa Fe and sprinkled some ashes at the Plaza and in the water at the Baptismal Font in the Saint Frances Cathedral.

I flew to Washington DC to speak to some Senators about these Killer Drugs and I sprinkled your ashes in front of the Capital. Then I drove to Virginia and sprinkled your ashes at the Johnny Rockets in the 4 story mall they had there. I figured that was appropriate as you used to work at a Johnnie Rockets when you were younger (I always think of you when I see one) and you love shopping.

I also drove to Maryland and sprinkled your ashes in the Potomac River.

I will eventually sprinkle some in all fifty states and all around the world. Just a bit at a time, because I carry your ashes with me every where I go and cannot bear to be without them.

Mother's Day was so agonizing. I didn't celebrate it and never will again.

I simply "cannot" celebrate without you. I had Isabella for four days and we talked about you the entire time. We went to the mall with the boys to buy you a Mother's Day present. We found you a beautiful ceramic statue of an angel holding her baby (which Isabella kissed all day). We also bought you a ceramic heart that says "Together Forever", then Isabella picked out a beautiful bouquet of flowers for you. She carried them around all day and was very proud and happy that she bought her mommy flowers. She fell asleep in my arms that night knowing that you and I love her more than anything in the world.

I love you my beautiful baby girl, I will forever love you, I will forever miss you, I will forever be your Mommy.

 

 

MY DARLING SARINA,,,,,,,,TODAY IS  FEB 28TH 2008,,,IT'S 4 MONTHS SINCE YOU HAVE BEEN GONE FROM US,........I STILL CAN HEAR YOUR SWEET VOICE SAYING "HI"  WHEN I ANSWERED YOUR PHONE CALLS,,,LIKE ONLY YOU COULD SAY IT,WITH A SING SONGEY LILT,,,,,I TRY TO REMEMBER ALL THE FUN THINGS WE DID TOGETHER, AND TALKED ABOUT, BUT MY HEART IS EMPTY, BROKEN, SAD,AND WILL NEVER BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU TO FILL MY LIFE,,,,,I KNOW IN MY HEART ALL THE THINGS I TRIED SO DESPERATELY TO DO  TO HELP YOU........BUT TO NO AVAIL,,,............I LOVED YOU SO, ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO SEE YOU HAPPY, AND HAVE A GOOD LIFE,,,,,,,,,THERE ARE SO MANY MEMORIES THAT FLOOD MY MIND ALL DAY LONG,,,,MY HOME IS FULL OF YOU, EVERYWHERE I TURN MY MIND GOES TO YOU,,,,,,,,,,,SITTING AT MY  KITCHEN COUNTER EATING, WITH ISABELLA ON YOUR LAP,,,,,,,,,,WATCHING YOU TAKE A NAP ON  MY COUCH WRAPPED UP IN THE THROW I KEEP THERE,,SITTING AT MY MAKEUP TABLE USING MY MAKEUP,,,,,,I LOOK  OUT  TO MY BACKYARD AND SEE YOU SITTING ON MY PATIO  ADMIRING ALL MY FLOWERS,,,YOU ALWAYS LOVED US SITTING OUT THERE, EATING AND WATCHING ISABELLA GO FROM FLOWER TO FLOWER SMELLING  THEM,I WOULD CUT SOME FOR HER AND PUT THEM IN A LITTLE  VASE,,,,,,SHE  LOVED THAT,,,,,YOU NEVER FORGOT ME, AND  WOULD SHARE WITH ME YOUR FEELINGS ,SARINA, MY DARLING,I TRIED. I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T SUCCEED IN CONVINCING YOU WHAT A TREASURE YOU WERE, HOW SPECIAL YOU WERE,,,,,,AND THAT EVERYTHING COULD BE FIXED,,,,YOU HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL, COULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO DO,YOU WERE SMART,I ALWAYS TOLD YOU THAT,,,,,,,,NOT A DAY GOES BY THAT I DON'T CRY FOR YOU, AND WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN,MY TEARS WILL NEVER CEASE ,,,,,MY LOVE  FOR YOU IS EVERLASTING,,,,,I WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR BROKEN HEARTED NANA,,,,I LOVE  YOU!!,

My Beautiful Baby Girl,

This morning is Four Months. Four Months since you sent me those two dreaded blank texts and then those three incoherent texts, four months since I sat up talking to you on the phone at 5:30 in the morning. I had no idea it would have been the last time I would ever talk to you again. I had no idea that this would dictate how the remainder of my days would be.

I am so sorry I wasn't there for you. I am so sorry I didn't come to help you. I should have known..... I "did" know. I knew you were upset, I knew you sounded terrible and I knew you needed help, I just didn't know the extent of it. I didn't know that when I tried to help you the following day it would be too late.

I didn't realize you had already written me your suicide note and started the process to end your life.

I read your texts that you sent me all day every day. At the time they sounded jibberish and I only got a bit of what you were saying. I've since decoded it and realized everything you were trying to say to me. You were saying your good byes to me, you knew you were minutes away from death, you knew we'd never talk again. And I blindly and stupidly hung up the phone and went back to sleep. Thinking about it now, I think you and I went to sleep at the same time, the only difference is that you never woke up. You never woke up to finish your life with  me. To do with me all the things we always talked about, but never did. To do all the things that you've been begging me to do and I've been promising you and procrastinating.

Sarina, my life is over without you. I will never feel joy again, all I have in my life is pain, sorrow and emptiness. I can't find anything else. I miss you so much!!

Today is Four Months since my life ended with yours, Four Months of the worst agony that I never knew I could feel, Four Months of trying to cope with every feeling and trying to get through an entire day and night without you. Four Months of wishing I was dead with you because I can't bear to live with the pain of being without you. The pain of knowing that I could have done something to stop this, knowing that you were trying to reach out to me and tell me.

I think of the past 21 years and every day I find hundreds of things that I could have done differently. There are thousands of things I wish I could do over, millions of things I would have done entirely different and billions of things I would do all over again to make certain that this never would have happened.

You will forever be My Beautiful Baby Girl, I am sorry -

 

 

My Beautiful Baby Girl,

As we sit here trying to dry Garrett's phone that wound up in the washing machine, I think of this past summer when I jumped into the pool with my phone not once, not twice, but three times; and each time you grabbed it from my hand, starting drying it, blowing on it and then you got the blow dryer and started blow drying it. You were explaining to me how it had to look for it to be entirely dry and what it looked like when water truly penetrated it. I had no clue where you got this phone knowledge except first hand experience, since a few of your phones got submerged in water and liquids as well.............LIke mother, like daughter.

I miss you !!!

My Beautiful Baby Girl,

Tonight was so difficult. I was flooded with memories of you and I together.

The boys and I went to Uncle Gregg's for dinner, the last time you and I were there together was for Nana and Papa's 50th Anniversary Party, actually one of the most favorite pictures I have of you is one that Uncle Roy took on that night.

You and I were the last to sit and eat because we were busy getting food for the kids, cutting their meat and serving their drinks. By the time we were ready to sit down, there were no seats available anywhere except at the children's table.

So, there we sat with "all" the kids, the only adults at the table, but we had a blast, probably one of the best times I had with you and we were both very happy we had each other to share the children's table with.

Normally I drive past your house on my way out and again on my way home, sometimes I even sit in front of your house and just stare at the garage where I found you.

Tonight I had to go a different route; as the night was not kind to me and I had visions of flashing lights, sirens and emergency vehicles lining your street.

My baby, I spend my days missing you, thinking about you, thinking about evetything we did together, didn't do together, should have done together, and the things we will never get a chance to do together.

I think of everything I could have done and should have done to change things.

I am so tormented and don't know how to handle it, nothing can ease it or make it better, all I want is you. All I want is for this to be a nightmare and wake up to your text, phone call, keys in the door, heels on the tile, ... anything.
I just want my baby back!!!!

Miss Sassy..hello my friend sorry i've not written you...But i miss you so much...funny thing is that I can still sometimes fill you around me..So how is heaven is it as beautiful as everyone says it is...I bet god is taking good care of you..Tell my nana I love her and miss her...She is a great person and you get to spend time with her LUCKY...I do miss you a whole lot But your not hurting no more my friend....I did not like to see you hurt...That is why I was always there for you...Wish you would of called me more...any time of the night cause you where always there to call when I had mama questions...you where such a good mama...girlie you should see Bella now she is so big and does so much funny things....well I'll write you again ok girl... everyone says Hello and we all miss you and wish you where still with us.....I love You so so much..... always nastacia

Happy Valentines Day My Beautiful Baby Girl,

Last year we agreed to be each other's Valentine because you didn't have one. I bought you a Denim Heart with chocolates in it, it reminded me of you because you usually wore jeans, this year I bought the same heart and it's sitting next to your urn.

Day after day goes by, holiday after holiday, and I just can't bear spending more of them without you. I am so sad, I am so so empty without you.

I love you and I miss you so much.

You knew that I could barely go a few hours without talking to you, knowing you were alright, hearing your voice and telling you that I love you.

Now, all I have are memories, your items that I have set up as Shrines all over the house and your urn that goes where I go. 

Isabella is with us today, we gave her a 10 week old Shih tzu puppy, she carries it around with her, she sleeps with it, she named it Isabella; along with all of her other pets she has here with us, anything we buy her is named Isabella.

So, you hit the jackpot when you named her, she loves her name and I will always remind her that it came from your heart.

I love you my baby -

My Beautiful Baby Girl,

Just when I think my days can't get much worse, I'm given more challenges to try and get through. This week I spoke to the District Attorney about your case with your ex, she shared the 911 tape with me. Hearing your voice was so bitter-sweet, and the most amazing thing is, it sounded just like me. I've always loved your voice, all of them; your normal voice and your squeeky voice.

I also got your Toxicology report, that was so difficult reading, I am truly repulsed by these prescription drugs. No one will or even can, truly understand the depth of evil these drugs will have on us until it happens to them or someone close to them.

I give you my word, that my life will be committed to Abolishing Suicide-Causing Anti-Depressants; Somehow, someway, I will bring them all down.

This week I got all of your records from your therapy sessions. Reading those truly killed me, but know that I love you and I understand. Also know that your therapist and her mother will suffer great hardship with their conscience, their finances and their practices; once I'm done with them, they will never practice again.

I am working on Sarina's Voice Wellness Center, I've put so much work, time and effort into it. Truly me entire soul, spirit and tears; much like this website and COPES. Unfortunately, we are not getting any funding. I'm at a standstill untll i can think of something extraordinary to do. Send some signs down here to everyone; although Brian and I work on my Crusade constantly, I just can't do it alone. There are many people who share the same hatred towards these drug companies, they share my same conviction about my Cause, but the most they can do is help get signatures on my Petition and send email support.

I need a miracle!! You can do anything baby, help me get that miracle so I can save lives, so other beautiful young ladies like you don't have to die, so other mother's like me don't have to endure a life without their children.

I think of you constantly, I miss you every second of every day and I love you unconditionally forever.

Your Mommy

 

 

 

My Beautiful Baby Girl,

I miss you so much ! I was tbinking about the day you got a beauty mark tattooed to your cheek because you said you wanted to look like me. I always loved that you wanted to be like me. Then you came home with your eyebrows tattooed with a high arch because you wanted them to look like mine. I was so flattered that you wanted to look like me and be like me. We both used to get so happy when everyone said we looked alike, sounded alike and acted alike; even when you had your blond hair and everyone was just going off of our features and our personalities.

I got your name Tattooed on my arm, I went 43 years without any tattoos, and now I have your name and dates permanently on my arm forever. I look at it all day and it helps me stay focused. This I also do for you.

Also, I have been a Vegetarian since you left me,.. just like you. This is my sacrifice for you. I will do anything, go anywhere, talk to anyone to sacrifice myself for you, to get our story out and to get your Voice Heard.

I was always so proud to be your mother, still are and always will be.

I will die trying to get your Voice Heard. I will make certain that your life and death is something everyone knows about and make certain they were not in vain. You are my strength and you keep me going so I can continue working to get your Voice Heard. You are my everything and I think of you all day every day.

You will always be My Beautiful Baby Girl, You will alway be My Sarina Angel. You will always be "The Wind Beneath My Wings".

I LOVE YOU -

 

My Beautiful Baby Girl,

Today is 100 days without you, 100 days of pain and agony missing you and not having one of my children with me, It just doesn't seem right that any parent should have to live without their child.

I miss you so much and cannot stand living without you.

Please send me a sign, let me know you are at peace, let me know you are with me.

I love you more than life and wish you were here with me.

Mommy

My Beautiful Baby Girl,

Today I was at Cottonwood Mall with the boys and we come across "Frulatti".  My heart sank, I had to come home. Remembering waking up at 5am every morning to get you to work, you soon became the youngest manager ever to work there. Sitting in my car every night outside the mall, waiting for you to get off work, anxious to hear all of your stories about everything that you did throughout the day, I was so proud and so impressed.

You never ceased to amaze me, your entire life, you always had such a fire about you. You knew exactly what you wanted and went for it. I always admired you for that.

I will always be proud of you and I will always be amazed by you.

I love you,

Mommy

My Beautiful Baby Girl,

The pain gets worse, the sadness gets deeper, I miss you more and more by the second. I see life happening all around me and just want to yell out to stop, My daughter is dead, how can people continue with their lives.

This morning the Senate is voting on SM9, the Memorial Act I enforced for YOU. To have YOUR VOICE HEARD and to make certain no other parents have to endure this torment in their lives.

I no longer have a life. I feel like I just go through the stages of what I'm supposed to do each day to take care of your brothers and sisters and your foundation.

I miss you so much and wish you were here with me or that I was there with you, wherever you are. Everything I see reminds me of you, every place I pass brings memory of what we've done together. It's so painfull and unbearable to try and get through a day.

Everyone says I should go to grief counseling, what are they kidding me? To sit and talk to some person that still has all of their children in tact and is going to try and make me feel better that I don't. Maybe I should go to "your" counselor, because she helped "you" so much. They should all be banned from the earth.

I'm going to sue her and her mother too. I'm going to get tbeir licenses and close down her practices, so neither of them can hurt any more people.

I'm so sorry this happened to you my baby. I'm so sorry I wasn't there to help you. I think about the "hundreds" of things I could have done different if I knew, things throughout your entire life, not just prior to your death.

I love you my baby girl, I love you so much and miss you so desperately.