"The time came when the pain it took to stay, was greater than the pain it took to go".
A MOTHER'S CRUSADE, FROM A MOTHER'S HEART
This Memorial Website was created to remember My Beautiful Baby Girl SARINA ANGEL CUOCO who was born in ALBUQUERQUE, NM on January 26, 1986 and passed away on October 28, 2007.
This website is dedicated to the love, memory and joy that Sarina brought to so many people.
Most people only dream about Angels; I hold one in my heart. Sarina will forever live in my memory and my heart.
I died along with my daughter. I merely exist, my life is over. The pain that dwells inside me every second of every day is too powerful to control.
I no longer have any meaning in my life; every thought and every feeling is centered around my beautiful baby girl. Why did she hurt so much that she had to leave me? We had so many plans for our life together. I had so many plans for her life; her life as a beautiful young lady and her life as a wonderful mother with her own beautiful baby girl.
Dreams and hopes for my daughter's future lay in ashes and I am left with the anguish of excruciating grief.
Nothing could penetrate the core of my agony and I will always carry the scar of my daughter's suicide.
Losing a child to suicide, is a difficult and painful experience that epitomize's every parents worst conceivable nightmare, it violates all of the normal expected outcomes of the cycle of life through which all parents journey.
Sarina's death forced me to be a reluctant traveler on this road with other grieving parents, trying to find answers to the mystery of suicide. A million times I ask why.
It's hard to imagine anything more shattering than losing a child, and when you lose that child to suicide, the pain cuts even deeper. Parents are forever haunted by questions.
I hold on to this fantasy that Sarina will return. When the phone rings, the door opens or I get a text; I expect her on the other end..........
With every beat of my heart, I miss my daughter more and more.
There are no words to describe the profound and infinite sadness that has consumed me since Sarina died.
Sarina was having anxiety attacks and said that her therapist and her therapists mother were trying to help her get over them...but instead they helped kill her. I hold them both responsible for my daughters death; I will sue them, ruin them, get their licenses and close down their practices.
The prescriptions I found in my daughters house were six different types of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills all prescribed in a "one month" period of time for my 95 lb. 21 year old daughter. After extensive research, I found that two of the prescriptions actually "cause" suicidal thoughts and tendencies. I will start a class action lawsuit against the manufacturers of those medications and make certain that they can't hurt another innocent victim.
This tragedy never should have happened and people will all pay dearly for what they did to my daughter.
I will pass a Bill, I will change a Law and these so-called Doctors, Therapists, Nurse Practitioners and Drug companies that only care about big money will learn not to play with people's lives and their fragile emotional problems.
I "will" make a difference, my perseverance and strong sense of uncovering the wrong will prevail. My daughter's life will not be in vain. Sarina's life must serve a purpose, and that is up to me, her mother, to see that it does.
Sarina never wanted to hurt me, that is why I know in my heart that she did not know what she was doing when she took herself from me. She never woud have taken her life if she would have known what it would have done to me.
I spend my days and nights reliving the night I found my daughter.
I had not heard from her all day; I left messages and textes and never heard back. So, I went to her house, she didn't answer the door when I rang the bell, and as soon as I tried the door and it opened........I knew something was wrong. I knew she left it unlocked for me so I could find her.
I searched the downstairs and she was nowhere in sight, I could not bring myself to go upstairs; as it was dark and I couldn't find the light switch for the upstairs; plus there was a very peculiar odor in the house that I couldn't distinguish. My husband was waiting in the truck with our smaller children, I asked him to go upstairs with me. Much to my relief, she was not upstairs and so I thought everything was fine. I felt like 1000 lbs had been removed from my shoulders. As my husband went back outside to be with the children, I decided just to check the garage and make certain her car wasn't there. I was feeling calm and reassured that my beautiful baby girl was alright. I opened the garage door and there she was in her car....................... with the motor running !!!
That was the night that my life ended -
Sarina, I am surviving only by the love you have for me..............
You are the Wind Beneath My Wings -
I love you and miss you Forever !!
My life work will be to make certain that everyone who was a part of your demise will be punished and suffer the consequences.
Sarina, This I do for you - everyone will know your name. This will be my never-ending effort to keep your memory alive.
For I live with you inside me and I will live out loud, your voice will be heard.
You are "truly" the Wind Beneath My Wings -
I was not ready to say good bye to you, you were too young to be taken from me. You will forever be My Beautiful Baby Girl.
Mommy
